“I don’t know how to make this happen any other way!”
“I’ve tried everything, but nothing seems to work for me!”
“I’m my own worst enemy!”
These are some of the common flaws I hear my client’s despair to me in the coaching room. Hearing the call to change. The need. The desire. And equally feeling the frustration of old patterns and things not working the way they are. But feeling alone. Ashamed. That it’s easier to stay the same, be complicit. Accept what is. Than to push through the pain and discomfort of making a shift. Again. Often at the expense of what the heart and soul crave.
Are you feeling the call to change? And do you notice whether you look for ways to support yourself or sabotage yourself?
This is a deeply powerful question. Because we’re all susceptible to getting in our own way. This is the major setback to making a transformation. It’s not about your competency and skills. Your finances. Your intelligence. It’s about the beliefs you have of your identity. Who you are. And how they influence your ability to break through your own resistance (and ego).
When you embark on a powerful transformation it’s no walk in the park. There will be challenges. Multiple fears. Hefty opinions surface. Patterns to break.
There will also be a gravitational pull towards the new. The better. The levity of releasing what no longer serves you. The boost of energy that comes with insight. The freedom of softening a burden in your life.
Holding space for both these realities before you break free is a dangerous tightrope to tread. Many chose to retreat. Many believe sheer willpower will get them to this space of freedom. Hard work. Perseverance. Persistence. Hustling. Sure, it may work for some.
In my experience, the subtle and more easeful ways of navigating this middle ground are enduring and offer a safe landing. Understanding ourselves, and building a connection to what is beyond ourselves, has a far more transformative (and healing) effect on you. Using tools that are enjoyable. Tools that make change motivating. Tools that will help you feel physically changed and emotionally expanded.
If you’re still questioning if you’re ready, here is an earlier blog I wrote on the five signs you’re ready for a reset. The model of change I take Clients on is called recalibrate. If something in you feels out of alignment, here is what the recalibration process is all about.
This blog highlights the five most powerful tools I use with clients when they are going through a recalibration. I love them as they are mostly free and available to you. You may need to input the time and energy to explore them, but all are accessible.
1. Harness the power of your breath
Breathwork is the most powerful neuro-scientific tool you have for improving focus, managing stress, releasing difficult emotions, optimising health, and guiding your growth.
You’d be surprised how many coaching clients I help re-learn to breath properly. Your breath is hands-down the MOST transformative tool you have at your disposal. And it’s free, and accessible to you all the time. Most people take breathing for granted. Your breath is just there, humming along in the background as you go about your day. In any situation your breath is there to support you. Learn to be conscious of how you’re breathing, break habits and learn different techniques to allow your breath to optimise your life.
Let’s check if you’re breathing correctly. Take in a breath. As you do so, can you see your chest rise? And slightly after your belly area rises too? Then as you exhale, does the belly collapse back towards your spine and chest fall in line after?
For many of us we’re breathing to wrong way around. Or not taking in full belly breaths to pass air through your diaphragm. This is robbing you of the vital oxygen you need to get all your bodily systems working effectively. Blood flowing. Hormones releasing. Nervous system calming. Emotions regulating in your brain.
To help transform this, start by placing a hand on your chest and belly. And take in 10 deep breaths that last 4 seconds on the inhale and 4 seconds on the exhale. Monitor that your body rises on the inhale and falls back to the spine on the exhale. Much like a balloon, expanding as it fills with air and deflating as you release the valve.
When you feel confident enough, add in a 4 second pause at the end of each inhale and exhale. This is called box breathing. It’s one of the most calming techniques you can use.
I recommend all leaders to learn to breathe properly. It helps you manage stress, stay calm under pressure, and make clearer decisions. Decisions that will keep you on the path to transformation. Not give up when it gets tough.
2. Harness the power of movement
Daily movement is a deep internal signal. You’re willing to move. To take action. Not remain stagnant.
Yes, there are all the physical benefits of exercise. Movement boosts energy levels and strengthens muscles and bones. I’m not just talking about an intense work-out at the gym. Just incorporating movement into how you work or do life (one client of mine does a twirl between meetings!). Shifting your body improves mental clarity and emotional wellbeing. Plus enhances your mood by releasing endorphins, reduces stress, and supports better sleep, contributing to overall long-term health and resilience.
I love hosting ‘walk and talk’ sessions with my clients. Research shows just 10 minutes of walking affects both the left and right hemispheres of the brain in various ways, promoting balance, creativity, and cognitive function. The bilateral coordination required during walking, the alternating movement of your legs and arms, engages both hemispheres of the brain simultaneously. This coordination stimulates neural connections that bridge the left (logical and analytical) and right (creative and intuitive) sides of the brain. I encourage many leaders to use walk and talk around the block or to a local park with the team when they need to solve a problem, have a candid conversation, or build a better connection.
3. Harness the power of nature
The seasons, and nature overall, are such a great metaphor for change and the cycles of growth you move through. The biggest lesson the seasons can teach us is the nature of impermanence, that things are constantly changing.
How often do you look out at the trees around you? The plants. Get your feet in the grass when you need grounding. Or take a swim in the ocean or river to release frustration to the current.
You experience numerous seasons over your lifetime, multiple springs, summers, autumns and winters. Each season can give you cues to honour your intuitive nature and provides clues to the rhythm of life. I’m a big believer in using the transition points of the seasons or solstice, to shift my own inner and outer focus.
Many indigenous cultures and spiritual teachings look to the seasons of nature as a reflection to our own personal seasons. In (a very abbreviated) essence… Winter can be used to hibernate, rest and gestate. To nurture heartbreak, or sadness and disappointments, a time to reflect and refocus. Spring can be used to remerge and offer a new beginning. To look for the opportunity for change, have faith and start something fresh. Summer can be used to bask, grow and feel abundance. To see where you flourish and get distracted so you can focus on what you need to protect and hold sacred. Autumn can be used to have momentum on your successes and calibrate where your off track. An opportunity to assess. There will be signs and signals by autumn that will determine the fate of your winter. This blog is one of many that goes into more detail on how you can tune into the seasons for how you plan changes.
So where are you in the flow of the seasons now, do you intuitively feel like you’re in tune with nature, or a season or two behind? How can you use the energy and flow to adjust? Can you connect with a part of nature be it a plant, tree, flowers in the home, observe a bird, walk a dog. To get a deeper sense of the hidden messages’ nature offers you.
4. Harness the power of your values
If you don’t know what is important to you, then your choices are by default not design. You’ll often find yourself attempting to please, pander or perform to impress others. And how you conduct yourself feels inauthentic.
Your values are the things you believe are important for the way you live and work. They (should) determine your priorities, and deep down, the measures of whether life is turning out the way you would like it to. When the things that you do and the way you behave match your values, life is usually good – you’re satisfied and content. You’ll find that you’re then honouring your values on a regular and consistent basis.
When things don’t align with your personal values, that’s when you can feel stuck or compromised. This can be a real source of inner conflict and unhappiness. Life will be far more easeful when you acknowledge your values – and when you make plans and decisions that honour them.
For example, if you value family, but you have to work 70-hour weeks in your job, will you feel internal stress and conflict. If you don’t value competition, and you work in a highly competitive sales environment, are you likely to be satisfied with your job? In these types of situations, understanding your values can really help. When you know your own values, you can use them to make decisions about how to live your life. And make change.
My free Define Your Values tool will see you identify and take steps towards a more congruent life. 90% of my clients list this exercise as their favourite, because it helps them define what’s important in a new, thought-provoking way.
5. Harness the power of your identity
James Clear (habit change expert) emphasises that identity plays a key role in habit change by shaping the beliefs and actions that sustain new behaviours. He suggests that instead of focusing solely on outcomes or processes, you should focus on becoming the type of person who embodies the habits you want to adopt (e.g., “I am a healthy person” instead of “I want to lose weight”). By aligning your habits with your desired identity, you create a sustainable foundation for long-term change.
Buried within our identity are parts of you that get activated to either help or hinder you. They work to either protect you from danger and what you fear. I’m sure you’re familiar with the nasty gang of five. The Critic. The Perfectionist. The Doubt. The Imposter. The Guilt.
Other parts enhance your momentum and motivation to change. The Advocate. The Energiser. The Trust. The Negotiator. The Leader. Plus many more. To embrace all these parts and get to know them will dispel the power they have over you. I’ve gotten many clients to recalibrate the relationship with their Critic or Imposter simply by welcoming them into conversation when they appear as thoughts. To see them as a power for good not evil in their lives, and how they lead the team.
No one ever said change was easy, but I’m here to share it can be more ease-ful. Adopting some of these tools, like learning to breathe properly, will assist your journey immensely.
If you’re still feeling you’re an igniter and not following through on the changes you’d like to maintain, here are some extra thoughts from me on five ways to make change stick.
All the best on what lies ahead.
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