As a leader, you are expected to be composed, decisive, resilient. Yet beneath the careful exterior, there are losses. Subtle, layered, sometimes invisible. These losses can be relational, strategic, or even existential. And they carry grief.

Grief in leadership is rarely acknowledged. It may not come from death or the passing of a loved one or colleague alone. It arises whenever something important is lost or transformed. When a team member leaves. A project ends. A client parts ways. A strategy shifts. Or your identity as a leader changes.

Grief will surface. In unexpected ways. Yet, unlike bereavement at home (and acknowledging the five stages) workplace grief is often unseen, unspoken, and denied. Recognising and naming grief is not a sign of weakness. It is a vital part of being human and a grounded leader.

Let me define and expand for you. Grief occurs as the result of losing something or someone held dear and can cause debilitating feelings of distress as well as impaired cognitive and physical functioning (Crunk et al., 2017). Grief in leadership is the emotional, psychological, and often physical response to loss in a professional context. These contexts are varied, often compounded or layered. Grief can emerge from:

• A relational loss. When a colleague leaves, perhaps they are changing teams, moving roles, or departing the organisation.

• Resource loss. Yes, grief comes from reduced budgets, a cut in resourced staff, or support. Especially when you’ve put in a tonne of effort and it’s a sudden decision (mostly out of your control).

• Project or client loss. From a cancelled contract or agreed scope of work, to an abandoned initiative you’d put a lot of energy into.

• Identity transformation. One of the trickiest parts of stepping into a leadership role requires a shift in relationships with peers or within teams. These calibrations can be delicate and even see people walk away from each other as trusted friendships tear.

• Ambiguous or unfinished endings. Transitions that are unclear, unacknowledged, or unresolved. Like the dating term ‘ghosting’, this happens in the workplace too. People are suddenly missing from a team which feels like they have vanished, unexplained. Due to sudden personal reasons, legal breaches with confidentiality clauses no one can discuss. Or the way it gets handled with internal communication being vague, unclear or avoided.

The organisation’s culture plays a big role in grief going unseen. I’ve seen a massive shift in people coming to coaching sessions with me since Covid. Clearly trying to navigate the complex and layered feelings of grief, yet with a blind spot to what it is they are experiencing. It shows up as frustration about change, sadness, jealousy of others who can simply move on (and this tends to be on the surface level). Or feeling you have to hide or shrug off feelings off loss.

Leaders are expected to manage, perform, deliver. Emotions are private, vulnerabilities hidden. This is shifting, however the ‘G’ word isn’t part of the vocabulary yet when it comes to sharing experiences of loss, and the vast, hidden impact. 

Losses are rarely ritualised. There is no “project bereavement leave”. We’re often expected (and overnight) to disband from a project and move on to the next priority. One client of mine would make such sudden changes in strategy from a regional or global level, then expect local teams to shift within 48 hours on an email mandate.

Many losses are layered or cumulative, blurring the line between endings and beginnings. Teams regularly share (or rather squabble for) resources, moving attention, focus and people to extinguish the latest fire. As project-based work becomes the norm, the retained long-term partnership dissolves. Making resource planning harder. The potential for a client to ‘pull’ work when they aren’t getting what they want becomes a consistent threat. 

Some leaders feel they must suppress grief to maintain credibility. You can’t say out loud how much you miss someone’s contribution. For risk of insulting someone else, holding onto the past, or honouring outdated ways and contributions. Yet, the cost of not naming grief is real. From diminished focus, exhaustion, relational tension, and team disengagement.

Like the loss of a loved one, grief comes in waves at work too. Research into grief, including the work by psychologists Stroebe and Schut on the Dual Process Model, reminds us that grief is not linear. It often oscillates between:

• Loss orientation: feeling, acknowledging, reflecting on what was lost.

• Restoration orientation: adapting to, taking action and moving forward.

This oscillation is natural and healthy. Denying grief, or moving too quickly, risks holding onto “stuck” emotions that can subtly affect decisions, interactions, and presence.

Harvard and Wharton studies highlight that unacknowledged grief in organisations undermines engagement and trust. Leaders who process loss thoughtfully maintain stronger teams, relationships, and clarity of purpose.

I’ve found it’s as easy as sitting the team down, discussing the situation and how the circumstances came about. Acknowledging and appreciating their contributions. And then asking them how they can collectively both celebrate and process the situation. You’ll be surprised how respectful people will be when we surface and talk about loss. Giving teams the opportunity and space to openly say they’re disappointed, relieved, pissed, in shock (whatever it is they’re feeling). Acknowledgement ensures shifts move through the organisation. Rather than bottled up anger, confusion, shame or at worst resentment. Which surfaces as whispers and gossip. Opt for healing.

Through my studies with John Whittington, the founder of Coaching Constellations (and author of Systemic Coaching & Constellations) he offers a lens that helps leaders understand endings more fully.

His work shows that every organisation or team operates as a system with invisible dynamics. Encompassing loyalties, histories, unspoken connections, and losses. Some of the key insights to consider as a leader or founder I share below.

• Joining, Belonging, Leaving. Organisation systems pay close attention to beginnings (insert extensive onboarding practices) but often neglect endings. A team member leaving, a project closing, or a role transformation can create hidden tensions if the system does not acknowledge it. Some of my clients reading this will be familiar with my theory on the ‘cursed seat’. When we don’t offer a dignified clearing of energy and contribution of who has departed, the next person in the chair (aka role/ position/ task) will still be absorbing the energy from the past, feeling trapped and unable to break the patterns that led others to fail or not succeed with ease. 

• Dignity in Endings. Respectful acknowledgment of departures. Whether people, projects, or roles. Protects both the individual and the system. It releases stuck emotions and supports smoother transitions. Like the conversations I mentioned above.

• Seeing What Is Invisible. Constellations map relationships, loyalties, and systemic tensions. Leaders often carry hidden grief for what the system has lost but cannot see. Mapping it, even informally, brings awareness and clarity.

• Endings as Transitions, Not Just Loss. Grief is not only about what is gone. In all endings, there are resources, insights, and new possibilities to emerge. The challenge is noticing them, while allowing space to respectfully honour what has ended.

So why does all this matter? The impact of ignoring grief in the workplace can be damaging.  You’ll see teams with diminished cognitive bandwidth and creativity. Tension and misalignment in teams. Disengagement, presenteeism, or turnover of the team that feels like it’s contagious. And it will undermine psychological safety and trust.

Conversely, by acknowledging grief, it strengthens leaders and their teams. It allows you to see endings clearly and act intentionally. Support each other (including the departed) through transitions. Preserve your own wellbeing and resilience. And it’s an opportunity for intentional leader to role model emotional honesty and courage.

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Experiment a Little…

Hopefully this redefinition of grief in the workplace has surfaced an experience you’ve had, recently or in the past. You don’t need a whole afternoon to notice grief, nor acknowledge it. You can connect with it using these steps in a few minutes.

• Sit quietly (30 seconds). Take a few deep breaths and settle into a chair, close your eyes if it helps.. Let your mind focus on your current role.

• Scan for your losses (1 minute). Reflect of recent changes in your role. Someone leaving, a project ending, loss of a promotion, missing a KPI or bonus, a role transforming or restructure. There may be more than one.

• Ask, “What did I lose?” (1-2 minutes). For each loss, identify what you felt you lost from that experience. Connection, influence, energy, trust, expectation. Write one or two words down.

• Feel and acknowledge (1 minute). Notice any physical or emotional sensations in your body, as it may be uncomfortable. Breathe into them without judgment. Allow them to exist.

• Micro-acknowledgment (1 minute). Choose one small action to honour the loss. Reframing in this exercise may be enough. Or you may want to journal, have a conversation with someone you trust, a symbolic gesture. It can be now or sometime in the future, a way to honour the loss.

If you wanted to super-charge and use the constellations tool, try this mapping exercise.

Using a piece of rope or string, build a circle on the floor. Place names on post-it notes and place them on the inside or outside of the circle as proximity to the organisation and each other. Who or what has left, who remains, and any hidden loyalties or tensions. Then place where you stand (aka inside or outside).

When clients have tried this exercise with me, they may still be working for the organisation but will often place their position and energy to be both straddled between or feeling like they are on the outer as they grieve a big change like mass redundancies.

Seeing the system externalised in this way can reveal what was previously invisible.

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Grief is not only for funerals. Leadership is full of endings. Projects, roles, relationships, assumptions, identity. You cannot avoid grief or think it will pass you by and impact others. Naming your losses, acknowledging them, and giving them respect is an act of courage. For yourself and for your team.

As Whittington’s coaching constellations work shows, endings are opportunities. To release, reorder, and reintegrate. When you lean into them with awareness, you don’t just survive loss. You deepen presence, strengthen relationships, and lead with integrity. Leadership is noticing the waves, riding them, and finding clarity and renewal in the spaces in between.

If you or your team would like help in navigating grief in the transitions you’re experiencing, I’d love to take you through the coaching constellations work I facilitate. It’s deeply healing and respectful work we do together, side by side.