There are moments in life that deserve more than a quick smile before moving on to the next thing. As I’ve reflected on the launch of my book, Recalibrate, I’ve been thinking about the power of appreciation in leadership, and how often we overlook it.
While writing Recalibrate, and even more so over the past month since its launch, I’ve found myself sitting with a feeling I don’t always make enough time for. Appreciation. Not simply saying thank you. But allowing myself to really experience what has happened before rushing towards what’s next.
As leaders, we’re often conditioned to keep moving. Finish one project. Start another. Reach one milestone. Chase the next. We become so focused on progress that we rarely pause long enough to absorb what we’ve already achieved.
Writing Recalibrate unexpectedly changed that. For years, one of my strongest values has been Expansion. I love learning, creating, growing and asking, What’s next? That value has shaped my coaching, my business and ultimately this book. But somewhere throughout the writing process, another value quietly became louder. Appreciation.
I started noticing the people who had shaped my thinking. The clients who had trusted me with their experiences and generously shared their stories. The people who believed in the book long before it existed. But it wasn’t only the supportive relationships that were teaching me something.
As I was writing Recalibrate, there were also friendships, working relationships and personal relationships that went through stints of change. Some left me energised and full of momentum. Others left me feeling flat, resentful or disconnected. Rather than dismissing those feelings, I challenged myself to be curious about them, at times reluctantly so. I began asking myself, what is this relationship asking me to notice? Why does one interaction leave me feeling more alive, while another drains me? The answer wasn’t about the other person. It was about my own values.
I realised appreciation had become one of my deepest values, even though I hadn’t consciously named it before. When appreciation was present, when people saw one another, acknowledged effort, showed generosity or recognised contribution, I felt myself expand. When it was absent, I often felt stuck or bitter. And I began to see my part in those experiences too. Appreciation wasn’t something I could wait to receive from others. It was also something I could choose to practise.
Many of my relationships, both the easeful and the difficult, became quiet guides like the seasons of change. They revealed where my energy naturally flowed, where perspective needed to shift and what mattered most to me. Now Recalibrate has been released into the world and the feelings of appreciation only grow stronger. Looking back, I don’t think appreciation became one of my values while writing the book. I think writing the book simply revealed that it had been there all along.
Standing in rooms full of clients, collaborators, friends and family who came to celebrate not just the launch of a book, but sixteen years of coaching conversations that made it possible. And now, watching Recalibrate find its way into people’s lives. Receiving messages from readers who connected with a story. Seeing highlighted pages and favourite passages shared on social media. Hearing that someone tried an experiment and it shifted something for them and their team.
It reminded me that appreciation isn’t simply about saying thank you. It’s what transforms success from something you achieve into something you truly experience.
The opening chapter in Recalibrate explores appreciation because I believe it’s one of the most untapped practices in leadership. Our brains are naturally wired to notice what’s wrong before what’s right. Psychologists call this the negativity bias. It helped our ancestors survive, but it doesn’t always help us lead. Leadership asks something different of us. It asks us to notice what is working. To acknowledge effort before perfection. To recognise growth while it’s happening, not only once a goal has been reached.
Research in positive psychology has shown that intentionally practising appreciation can strengthen relationships, broaden our thinking, improve resilience and increase wellbeing. But I think its greatest gift is something much simpler. It changes what we pay attention to.
The same is true when you’re raising children. Children flourish when they know they’re seen not only for what they’ve achieved, but for who they’re becoming. The moments you notice their courage, kindness, curiosity or persistence often become part of the story they tell themselves about who they are.
Whether you’re leading a team, a business or a family, appreciation creates belonging. And belonging changes people.
As leaders, we often move quickly from one milestone to the next without fully experiencing the one we’ve just reached. Appreciation is what turns achievement into meaning. Our emotions signal us towards our values. Momentum, resentment, energy and appreciation all have something to teach us, if we’re willing to listen.
As I reflect on the last month, I don’t only feel proud. I feel deeply appreciative. To every client whose story shaped the pages. To everyone who bought the book. To everyone who came to the launches. To those who have sent messages, recommended it to others or simply quietly supported me from afar. Thank you. This book may have my name on the cover, but it was built through thousands of conversations over many years. You’re all woven into the pages. I couldn’t have written it without you. For a long time, I thought Expansion was always about moving forward. What I’ve come to realise is that sometimes the greatest expansion comes from pausing long enough to appreciate where you already are. Appreciation isn’t about searching for more good in your life. It’s about acknowledging clearly what has been there all along.
Recalibrate is available to purchase here.
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