For years I’ve had my relationship with ‘trust’ and ‘knowing’ wrapped up in one snug bundle, taking on the challenge of running my own business. I’ve really been conscious of separating them, understanding them better, and how they can be more effective for me, across my relationships, and for my business. This exploration has been challenging yet fruitful. Both feel really intimate and like they have a lifetime of discovery and new lessons for me to keep exploring. Here is a taster of where I am at today…
Separating knowing and trust
My sense of ‘knowing’ feels really strong, both in the direction of my business and my personal life – I’m clear of where I am, and where I want to go. I committed the hard work to get here, right now, and I’m prepared for more. If I can compare it to something, it’s like a well-trained muscle at its peak. It feels ready for race day.
My feelings towards ‘trust’ are somewhat more challenged. I feel like it’s a daily battle, one I don’t want to force along or hide from, but I want to approach with grace and ease. I feel like I’ve just removed my training wheels, but still not quite steady on my bike, wobbling along on an undetermined path.
So what does ‘knowing’ mean to me? I see it as the belief that I can do, be, have, change or create something. It’s primal, internally driven, innate, I’d even say potent, so strong – and boy, can it endure a mighty lot! My knowing needs constant attention, motivation, affection and care, it needs to be tested and to taste adventure. Ultimately, it feels like connecting with all that is within my control – it’s my foundation.
Can I articulate how I have constructed my sense of knowing? Let’s try. Firstly, it’s personal, so it’s different for us all, but to give you a better sense here are the components for me… I am proud of my accomplishments, both personal and professional, even if no one else notices the difference in me, I can, and I am able to say I am capable and happy. This builds a sense of confidence in my abilities. I also feel like I deserve to be where I am, and I am happy to accept that I can have the type of life I desire based on exploiting my talents, experience and resources. Overall, I am so very grateful for where I am right now, and take total responsibility for creating the type of life I want.
So let’s tackle this ‘trust’ stuff… I’m breathing into it daily, and have also been chatting with others who have been through similar circumstances about how they confronted their own sense of trust. For me, the best way I can describe it is the need to have faith that all I’m striving for will happen in the way it’s supposed to. Faith needs to be believed, built, valued and strengthened. However, it also requires the ability to let go of, or surrender to the outcome. Surrendering to circumstances, not giving up, but accepting what is, rather than grappling with the concept of what is lacking, or not available to us. So in some ways this intangible aspect is where I struggle, at the moment it’s more like an energy field I feel disconnected from, but within my reach.
Spending more time with trust will…
Through spending the time getting to know my trust-ing side, here’s what I’ve learned:
– The ability to be vulnerable, and really expose myself a little more, keep trying new things and being truthful helps a lot.
– Add in the ability to be patient with myself, with others and with circumstances. That’s a biggie, fighting off the desire to force, push, shove, kick and scream for what I want is really testing me.
– Graceful action is the way I would like trust delivered to me, so I am practising ways of doing things with ease and mindfulness.
– And last, not falling victim to myself. Often we have so much pressure on ourselves to have a perfected outcome that we don’t notice a good thing as it meanders past.
Overall, I feel like both trust and knowing rely heavily on a sense of being connected with myself – who I am, where I am right now, and where I want to be. They are different, and need to be nurtured separately, but once I get a good understanding of them, I believe they will be so powerful when harnessed together. Both require a clear intention and action – ask for what I want and work towards it. If I can get knowing and belief to hold hands with trust and faith – all my actions will deliver what I desire – a life with (even more) purpose.
Experiment a little…
I encourage you to review something in your life, a circumstance, a relationship or internal conflict. Can you develop your own barometer to understand ‘knowing’ and ‘trust’ a little better?
Can you differentiate the two, or how interlinked are they for you?